The Last.

 I started this blog in September 2009 and have written 441 posts. My husband has commented on every single one. I write for him more than anyone else.

I have been dancing around the idea of deleting this blog for a while now. Every time I'd get close to the decision, I'd remember all the reasons I love blogging and push off my niggling doubts. But, abrupt as it may seem, I can't avoid it any longer and this will be my last blog post. 

Blogging has been my creative outlet, and I love it. I love the friendships it has created for me and the ability to share the joys and trials of my life with others, in hopes of bringing a small bit of encouragement and happiness to my readers. I may not know all of my readers, but I know I will miss you, and I am so blessed to have been able to share our little life with you for a time.

My reasons for stopping center almost completely around Rosemary. I can never feel completely comfortable posting photos of her into the wild unknown internet, never being certain where they will end up or who will see them. I never want her to question how I shared her life with an audience of individuals I have never met. I want her milestones to be precious firsts and not big announcements. I want to be a mom who is wholly present. One who sews her dresses and makes her hair bows and takes her on grand adventures - just because - and not for the sake of exciting blog posts. 

I never want to regret choosing to blog over choosing to read more stories to my little girl.

 God has been whispering lots of wonderful things to me lately. And one of them is to give up this blog, because He has something better in mind for my time. He has been showing me that the lifelong dreams I have kept alive in my heart really can be a reality.

Adoption.

Writing and illustrating children's books.

Growing our business as a family.

And so, this is my last blog post. I am about to embark on new adventures and am excited to let go of my small dreams in exchange for God's bigger ones.

If there is one truth I can leave you with, it is this:

Jesus Christ is Lord.

Amen.

 I am at a very happy place in my life. This past weekend my parents and my Granny stopped by for a visit. It was so special to see the culmination of generations of loving and growing and giving. That "someday" when I'll be holding grandbabies of my own seems so far off, and yet I know it will be here quicker than I could prepare for. 

Each phase of life brings such sweetness. I've witnessed my parents grow older and simultaneously grow happier.

It's such a funny thought, to think I could ever be happier than I am right now. 

And yet,

watching Daddy sing to Rosemary,

seeing Granny soak up Rosie smiles,

and silently feeling the joy of Mom as she is surrounded by those she loves…

I have proof that happiness grows…

and grows and grows.

Babies.

 

 (Timmy and older brother Kyle, 1985)

Timmy's older brother recently gave him this photo of the two of them in 1985. It is one of the few baby pictures I have of him, and when I look at his chubby, grinning face, I feel like I'm looking right at Rosemary. They have the same face shape, the same eyes, and that same adorable smirk.

(Me and my older sister Liz, 1988)

Tim says he wants Rosemary to look just like me, but I'm definitely in favor of her looking more like Timmy. 


I love my two blue-eyed babes. 

Shades for Rosemary.

Rosemary got herself some pretty cool shades today at Target. She's all ready to soak up some Hawaiian sunshine. 

This is her current face. She sucks her bottom lip and looks so darn adorable I can hardly stand it.

Oh, and our teething crisis is finally starting to pay off. The tiniest little nubbin of a tooth is poking through – her bottom left eye tooth. Which seems like a pretty hilarious first tooth. She's going to look like a baby dinosaur. 

Ohmygoodness.

Vintage Map… for 1¢

Yes, I really did find an awesome vintage map poster for one penny. As in, one hundredth of a dollar. It seems like a trick, but it isn't. I ordered mine, wondering what I would get…

and this is it.

It's beautiful. The quality is great, the countries are all in the right place, and everything is spelled correctly. Hmm.

I'm still wondering what the catch is.

(You can get one, too!)

Post-Note: The price just skyrocketed to 9¢.
You had better act fast, my friends.

Laura Zastrow Photography

Laura Zastrow is an incredibly talented photographer and also a wonderful person. She has an outgoing, witty, genuine personality that makes her a good friend as well as a talented artist. One of the best things about Laura is that her clients become her friends, and she really truly loves the people she is photographing. I'm happy to share an interview of Laura with you today, as well as some of her great photography.

(Laura with her youngest, photo credit to her also talented husband)

How long have you been taking photos? I fell in love with photography in 2001 when I was a freshman in high school with a new camera on a trip to the east coast. I was very involved in yearbook and camera club throughout high school, but afterwards it kind of fell by the wayside. An email out of the blue from a high school friend who was getting married in 2009 spurred me to finally buy a DSLR and get back into it. After shooting ten or so weddings and many more sessions for friends to get back into the swing of things, I launched Laura Zastrow Photography in early 2010 and haven't looked back.

What's your background in art? My mom would always tear cute and interesting photos out of magazines and make cards for her sisters and my cousins. I remember ripping out creative ad campaigns and ads for perfume out of magazines and hanging them on my wall in middle school. I originally went to collages for graphic design and took more than my fair share of drawing and painting and design classes. What I learned in those classes help me recognize light and form in my photography.

What kind of camera do you use? 99% of the time I shoot a Canon 5D classic.

What is your favorite part about your job? I love getting to know my couples and having fun with them. Showing them how beautiful and in love they are through the photos I make for them is pretty great too!

Why does good photography cost so much? Photography — by a knowledgable photographer with professional equipment — is like any other quality custom product or service. You're paying not only for the obvious time your photographer spends photographing you and editng your photos, but also her equipment, her knowledge and eye, and everything that keeps her business running. I encourage brides and grooms to ask their married friends if they had a photographer they loved photograph their wedding or if they went the cheap route. Do their married friends recommend doing it cheaply and saving the money or being assured they'll have photos they love for the rest of their lives and to share with future generations?

Show us three of your favorite photos you've ever taken: I'm currently quite fond of these three. 

Laura is currently offering a fabulous deal to my readers. Mention you found her through Happily, Becki and you will receive 10% off any couple session, boudoir session, or wedding package through March 31st.

Laura has taken great photographs for my family many times (here, here, here, here). I can't even being to tell you how special these are to me. Great photography isn't just for your wedding day. I would encourage you to book a couple session with Laura in honor of your anniversary, a birthday, getting a new home, a special season, a holiday… or totally just because!

You will never, ever, regret spending money on good photography.
Capturing memories, documenting life - these are the things that truly matter.

Thanks, Laura! Be sure to take a look at Laura's website:
www.laurazastrow.com

Sweet.

Roses for Rosemary, lemon-blueberry cupcakes for breakfast, a snowy day at home with my Mr. Valentine…

(Perfection.)

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Anniversaries.

Timmy Text: Happy 3 years 2 months
from getting engaged! I love you sweety!

 

 (us two, newly engaged, 2008)

Not only does he remember my birthday, my half birthday, our dating anniversary, and our wedding anniversary (monthly as well as yearly), he also remembers our monthly anniversary of the day we were engaged.

He's a keeper, if I do say so myself!

Cra-zy.

 Last week was cra-zy, with an emphasis on crazy. 

Fun times involved hours of complete hysteria and inconsolable tears, waking up in the middle of the night to more tears, not-under-any-circumstances taking a nap, and a serious meltdown in the backseat during a longest-hour-of-my-life car ride.

Teething makes everyone in our house cry.

More (seriously) fun times included…

…getting an entire new Rosemary wardrobe of gorgeous dresses, shoes, tights, and sweaters from a dear friend whose baby girl was incredibly well-dressed. (See above picture. Yes, I sort her clothes by color.)

… visiting my parents.

… giving Rosemary her first drink from a cup.

… getting the second season DVD of Downton Abbey in the mail.

Here's to a new week full of fun.

Remembering a Birthday.

 At the end of the summer of 2004, I lost a best friend. At that point in my life I would have said I had several best friends, and he was one of them – the crazy, hilarious one.

It had been a summer of endless sunshine. Our days were crammed with bonfires, road trips, and movie nights. I was 17. We were careless and carefree and I never felt more independent or alive. Perched on the edge of childhood and adulthood, I thought I had everything figured out. When I look back to that time, all I see is a row smiling faces – dear faces of dear friends – and undimmed sunlight. The coming darkness of August 7^th approached silently - without a breath of warning and without time for goodbyes.

Just as July gave way to August, at the teetering point between summer’s end and autumn’s beginning, it happened. I was home alone. A phone call came, and with it, the sudden knowledge of his death. In an instant, he slipped away into a misty eternity where I could not reach him. I still cannot touch the intense pain that overtook me in those moments as I cried alone, and I shudder to remember the tears and the darkness of that night.

His death was an accident and a tragedy, and I could find no answers to my grief washed questioning. Up until that point, my life had never been touched by true, indescribable sorrow. His passing changed me. It woke me up to the hard edges of pain. It was also a burning reminder to cherish each happy moment, for I had learned that happiness is just one small fall away from grief.  Everything I had so confidently thought I had figured out curved and twisted into a big question mark of pain and wondering. The world became an unsafe place, where nothing is certain and you can’t count on anyone or anything still being there tomorrow – except God. 

I thought I would never recover, but gradually I learned that, while the pain of losing him would lessen, a new, subtle pain of “forgetting” him would continuously haunt me. I had to move on, and with each step away from my life at 17, I felt guilty for not lingering in that same place forever, frozen in time at his grave. The numbers etched in his granite tombstone are fixed, while the numbers of my days still continue. Sometimes I feel certain his heart would break if he could see my footprints at the cemetery long washed away. It’s been years.

But gradually I have learned that, while my heart has shifted, truly, I could never forget the boyish friend I had during that time in my life. It feels different, but the love is still there in that place. I may have forgotten the little parts, but I’ll never forget the most important ones. I have clear memories of long car rides, talking about dreams and life and God. And I have the echo of a thousand smiles resounding in my heart, leftover from endless laughter shared and silly jokes.

Today would have been his 25th birthday. 

Today I remember a good, good friend.

Happy Birthday, Josh.